August 30th: Oh, FAQ.
Oh, FAQ.
Oh, FAQ FAQ FAQitty-FAQ-FAQ-FAQ.
Again, I have no idea what Santa's done here.
I gave him one last chance, and he blew it.
But ...
I don't want Santa to leave because he mixes up a mean Long Island Iced Tea.
And he doesn't want to go because it's nice and warm here.
So he says.
Me, I think it's got a lot to do with the start of the Busy Season up at the North Pole.
He's not as young as he used to be, and sometimes, (he told me in an unguarded moment) he's had to drop gifts down chimneys instead of climbing down to the fireplace because the elastic in his magic corset isn't as strong as it used to be.
So on behalf of all of us around the world, as a gesture of appreciation and thanks for all our Christmases, I've taken this opportunity to do a little giving back to a fine gentleman who's been so good to so many for so long.
And this means that he's welcome to stay here in the beach house as Head Housekeeping and Long Island Iced Tea Honcho, with as many perfect Russian wives under him as he wants at any given time. Or on top. Or on either side. Or wherever.
But this is on one condition.
And that is?
That he stays away from my compu
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Yum. Another fine bucket of Long Island Iced Tea, brought direct to my desk. Thanks, Santa. Now please step back from the desk - as far away from my computer as you can.
We're going to have to figure out another method of delivery. Piping? Taps? A perfect Russian wife?
No matter.
Things is gonna be a changin' round these parts.
And, with all those perfect Russian wives in the beach house, round Santa's parts, too, no doubt.
Just don't tell Mrs Claus, OK?
